Monday, June 27, 2011

Eye Awakener today

I've been thinking a lot today! My life has really taken a turn. A good turn may I add. As you know I am now a full time stay at home mom/maker. I prayed for this for FOUR years and God opened doors. Things always fall into place in God's timing. It would never have worked four years ago and God knew it all along. Any ways, I've got to say though, it's been hard adjusting. It really is. I'm not sure how to make it work right now, but I'm determined too. I'm trying to find a routine-schedule that'll work for me and the girls. People ask me if it's too many hours in one day and I say just the opposite. There are not enough hours in the day for me. I'm so consumed with cleaning, organizing my house, running errands, fitting in my part time hours, etc.... that I've sadly forgotten the main reason I really wanted to be home. I'm going to be honest now, take a moment and breath because I'm about to sound like an absolute horrible parent....I've forgotten about really focusing and taking the time (to spend quality time) with my girls!!!! {GASP} Yes, there, I said it! Because of me working so much prior to me being home, my house has never really been organized or decorated. Really, it's embarrassing. Now that I'm home I'd like to take this on and get this done. I have started by the way. :)
Now, just to clear things up a bit and going back to the girls...I've spent plenty of time with them. Don't get me wrong here, it's just not the time they so desire and the time I need to spend with them. Arianna and Avonlea want me to play with them. As I should. However, I then start thinking about what I could be doing around the house or what other things I should be doing that I am just sitting there with them rather than actually enjoying them. My priorities are wrong obviously. This very morning, Arianna looked at me as I was supposedly playing and said, "Mommy, play with me!" I then said, "yes, I am honey. I'm playing" She then looked at me and said, "No mommy, what are you looking at? Are you thinking? You're not playing with me."
Gosh that hit me hard. Really it did. Poor girls. At that moment when she said that I felt like an absolute horrible parent because this was the main reason for me staying home all along.
My girls are quickly growing before my eyes and I really do need to take the time to cherish them as they are now. Time flies and like everyone says, "before you know it, they'll be teenagers not wanting to spend anytime with you at all." This crossed my mind as soon as she said those words to me because I seriously thought, "I'm so consumed with everything around me but them and right now, both my girls want my full attention and before too long, they're not going to care or ask to spend time with me. They're going to want their friends, they will lock themselves in their rooms, as a parent I'll be wrong all the time while they're the right ones, they'll always prefer to be out and about, etc..."
So I realized right then and there that before they grow out of this stage where they do want me around, I will cherish them. I will love the fact they want me, that they really really want me, the fact they want me to read to them every night, the fact that I bathe them, dress them, sing songs with them in the car, the fact that they want to hold my hand, say prayers outloud with them, tuck them in every night and say over and over again how much we love them, awwwhh and the fact that I can still hold both of them in my arms somewhat and cuddle.
I know that when they're older we're not going to be doing most of these things. So now that I'm home, here with them, I have to take full advantage! I will appreciate them as that was the point from the beginning and thank God daily for them.
Thank you God for my beautiful girls that You've put in my life and that have brought complete joy to my life. I honestly could not imagine my life without them!
and to end this, I thought I'd throw in this beautiful song that pretty much sums up more of my thoughts. This song is sung by Steven Curtis Chapman and makes me cry EVERYTIME! It's more a daddy's girl song, but seriously, if you haven't heard it, please listen...BEAUTIFUL!

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