Sometimes it's good to let out a good cry

If you know me, you know I'm an emotional person. I can't help it. If someone cries, I cry with them. I cry during commercials, shows, movies, I cry when I don't understand people, I cry if I don't get my way, I cry when my children make me mad and when they make me happy. I cry when I see people suffering. There's so much I can't even begin to tell you. Right now I have to vent and get it off my chest because I started crying thinking about it.

I get so mad that I can't be a stay at home mom like so many mom's out there. I get jealous, but yet am so happy for them because they are able to do it. I get mad because I feel I can't be that good mom like they are, like taking them to the park, reading hour at the library, the zoo, going out on play dates, going for a good swim on a hot day like today, etc... by the time I get home I'm so tired to even do much! I don't even need to be a 24/7 stay at home mommy, but part time, working like 2 days a week and that's it! That would make me oh so happy. Right now I only see them less than 4 hours a day Monday-Friday. How sad is that?! Work sucks the life out of me and my time! I leave my house at 6:15 am to not even get home until 4:30ish. They then go to sleep at 8pm. I spend more time at work then I do my own family! I just want to scream!!!!

For over 3 years now my desire has been to be home, to see my children grow. Arianna is three years old and a sponge taking in everything around her. She's growing up way too fast and I feel as though I'm missing it all. Avonlea is in awe of the world around her. She's 9 months! She's crawling, standing with support, and eating all sorts of foods. I'm missing out on everything she's learning to do. Or at least it feels that way. At the moment, my husband is a stay at home daddy. He just graduated and his job laid him off. Any ways, I have to admit, I wish I was the one in his position. When he tells me he's playing outside with them, I think, "i want to be there so badly."

It's just not fair! but I'm being so selfish for thinking this way. God has blessed us in so many ways! I know I shouldn't be complaining. I have a job and am blessed to have a beautiful family. God knows the desires of my heart and I just have to be patient, which is so hard for me. I've prayed this prayer a zillion times, 'GOD, you know I want to be home, please make it possible." the time will come and I have to wait. I will never understand God and i have no right to...but He will make it happen...IN HIS TIMING.

Score!

I can't begin to express my excitement on what I've just purchased! It might sound silly or maybe not a big deal to some of you, but I'm so excited I'm doin' my happy dance. I love finding great deals when it comes to any stores, garage/yard sales (<-call me crazy but I love 'em!), flea markets, craigslist, etc... Any friend of mine can tell you I don't like settling on prices (even with food, I've learned the importance of couponing-post to come). I wait until items go on sale or I make an offer whether it's already a great deal or not. The worst thing they can say is 'no' right! So I try. I'd say 70/80% of the time they say 'yes' because they want to get rid of it. I challenge you to try it out. It's a great feeling when they say 'sure'. Just to clarify, it's not that I'm cheap...okay well maybe just a little, but I just LOVE to save. Even more now since Robert was laid off. God has blessed us beyond believe! So, lookey lookey! Look what I've found. I've been looking for storage organizers for our enormous-don't know what to do with it-bonus room. These cubicle organizers will work PERFECTLY for all of Arianna and Avonlea's toys such as puzzles, art work, board games, small random toys, etc... These will make my bonus/toy room look neater and cleaner. But just picture it, Sicily, Italy 1940 (okay i just had to throw that one in-Golden Girls), with the cutest baskets with bright colored fabrics to hide the mess. I just know it's going to look great!


So here's the deal...at Target the white one on top costs $14.99 and the bigger one costs $39.99. That's $55 plus tax for both. I found both of them on craigslist for $20 and asked for $15 and the lady said yes! Holla! Not seperate but $15 for both. Did you get that!? Awesome huh?! They're in perfect condition...untouched you could say! The lady bought them last September and is moving and needed to get rid of them asap! Thank you sweet young college lady for my organizers. I will have to post pictures once I've bought baskets and have put them in our room. Hang with me and you'll learn not to be embarrassed to ask. :)

My girls!

I know I'm a day late on this, but this past weekend was a blur!

I'm so grateful for these precious girlies. I love them very much. They make me proud and I feel so blessed. I never thought I could feel a love like the love I have for both of them.

I also greatly appreciate my mom who loves me and would do anything for me. Thank you for always being there.

Random thoughts

So after all that happened this past weekend, it's left me thinking about a lot! Just about random thoughts that don't even have to do with the flooding. Today, after months of driving in with my hubster to work, we drove in seperately. It was actually kind of nice. After Friday, it will be the last and I will miss our drives to work together. Since I returned from maternity leave we've driven together. It has helped so much with gas!

Any ways, I decided not to listen to any music or talk shows as I usually do, but let my mind think and just prayed to My God who has gotten me through EVERYTHING in these last few months. Literally.

Shortly after having Avonlea, I was by myself 4 days and nights of the week. I'm talking all day and night until 10pm. I was home for 12 weeks from work and seriously was a full time single mommy to a brand new little person and barely 3 year old little active girl. I would take nights after being home all day or coming home from work and go to my parents or my in-laws when I just couldn't handle it. Many nights I would be alone and would find myself crying because it was so HARD and I just didn't have any time to myself. I had wished then I had friends who would reach out to help or keep me company and would think they didn't care about me. I got over that quick though, because I knew it wasn't their duty to help me, it was my responsibility, my children. I knew then that God was my deliverer and helper. God says, 'He will not put too much on us, that we can't handle'. Very true, because I obviously got through it.

Thinking back I think about how selfish my thoughts were on how I didn't even take the time to think about my husband and his hardships. Going through a new phase of life with a new child, full time work, full time school with a lot of homework and no sleep is a lot to handle at one time! I may be sharing too much (but who really is reading this any ways), but wow, I didn't even take the time to thank him and I feel like a horrible wife for not being supportive as I should have been. He too, like me went through so much-MUCH MORE. I appreciate his ambition, his endurance andcommitment, and his love for us. He's done so much!

This Saturday, I will be cheering on my husband as he walks across the stage to recieve his masters degree. My husband dedicated 2 full years of his life to work and school so he could help us financially later in life by getting a masters degree in accounting. I'm so proud of him! I know it's been hard on him to work 8 hours and then go to school another 4 hours. It was not just me, but him as well!!!! Honey if you read this, I love you so much...till death do us part.

There's so much more I could talk about and more thoughts that were going through my head, but I'll stop here. God has provided me with a great husband! He's so awesome.